The one where I don't even pretend to have any sanity left

My son.....has grown up to be his own person. He is an adult now, though to me he never will be. He has his own life, his own home and his own job. He has a girlfriend who loves him and took over for mom, making him watch his money and wash his laundry. He will be 20 years old next week. Where did the time go, he was just a baby dancing around the house in a diaper playing his plastic guitar and singing songs for me. Just a few weeks ago he was 3 and we crawled into my bed after his bath and read Green eggs and Ham and Goodnight moon for the 500th time. We read I'll love you forever dozens of times but I found the book sad and odd. It seemed that the mother needed to let go a little and not climb into his bedroom of the house he shared with his wife. I am doing a pretty good job at letting go. I visit him and he visits me every week and we call each other a couple times a week. We meet up on messenger every few days to catch up and talk a few minutes, always ending with "I love you mom" and " I love you buddy."
He calls me whenever anything happens in his life....a raise, his puppy learning to fetch, his girlfriends mother coming to visit. He calls for my advice on grilling, cooking, bills and banks. He calls when he is at Wal Mart and finds a bargain. Sometimes he just calls when he sees something that makes him think of me. I know I am lucky to have a son like him and I will never take it for granted.
Today my dear daughter got a letter from a college that offered her the Presidential scholarship. Full tuition for 4 years. She has been getting letters from colleges for a couple of years but now they are getting serious. She will be a senior this year. She is smart, she is beautiful and she is responsible. She keeps her grades up because she WANTS to. Next year she will start college and be on her way to her own life. She says she will not go far away to college because she can't leave her mommy. I love to hear that but I don't want her to pass up something special just for me. I know she is independent enough to make it at college on her own so if she decides to go away I will not make her feel bad for leaving me, it has to happen at some point. If she decided to go away I will do what mothers have done for a long time and fight back the tears until I am alone.
For now I am trying to enjoy the time I have with my children. They are my heart and my life. It is still amazing to me after all of these years how much you can love another human being. Now I just have to figure out how to love them enough to let them go..................